SRS Diary (October-December 2007)

Spread Your Wings & Prepare To Fly, For You Have Become A Butterfly (Mariah Carey)

October 21   "Leaving, On A Jet Plane"......

I'm SOOOOOOOO Thrilled that my Rebirth is now only days away. I'm leaving for Thailand in just over a week, but it's incredible HOW much you need to do before you head off on a big trip like this. Relative Time is taking on a whole new meaning.

So far, I'm excited & not at all nervous, as I know I'll have one of the best doctor's in the world working his magic on me. A close friend will be joining me to share this experience. She had Gender Correction Surgery with the same doctor last year. This time around, she's getting a boob job, on the day before my surgery. It will be lovely being there for each other.

If we were always as efficent as we need to be when going away.......all the time, we could do anything. Oh, the Power of an immovable deadline (But, that deadline is oh so nice when you're....... "leaving on a jet plane"). Though I'm so busy, its still a wonderful time. I'm grateful that I will have a well deserved week "off" once I arrive in Thailand prior to my surgery. (Siam sounds so much nicer, by the way). Regardless, I'm having these visions of me lazing by the pool in my new bikini, sipping on cocktails, whilst checking out a handsome man's tanned & toned muscles..... :)

Of course, I still must travel with that "False Passport", which really does worry me. I Pray for no drama's.

October 28   "Both Kinds, Country AND Western"........ At "Party Central".

It was a great night. About 30 friends & family came, all getting into the spirit, dressing up "Country Like". I wore Hot Pants, Heels & a red chequered shirt.....dressed as Daisy Duke. We had Sheriff's, Bar Wenches, Cowgirls and Cowboys, another friend even had the "Little House on the Praire" look, wearing a big hoop skirt. My Mum was saying for weeks prior, how dissapointed she was that she wasn't able to come, due to circumstances beyond her control. I was sad about that, but she was really just tricking me. She turned up at the door....with my Brother Sam and his Fiancee Jaime. I screamed out loud, thrilled she was there. She wasn't going to miss my send-off. She is so awesome & so great about her "New Daughter". My Sister Eve and her Hubby Justin came along as well.

The whole thing was a scream. It really went "off" & we all had an awesome time. We had "Country Food" and some Fabulous Country Rock Music playing out loud, Cocktails were flowing, including the now infamous "Harpic". (It's not a "Stef Party" without it). "Harpic" is a bright blue Cocktail, otherwise known as a "Blue Lagoon" but with a twist. Someone once said it looked like Harpic.... (A blue Toilet water colouring agent) & it sort of stuck....!  We had a lot of "Dead Bodies" by the end of the night. The "Morning after the Night before", has also become a feature of our parties....!  (See Photo Page 2).

October 30  Sawadee Ka From Thailand

Upon Arriving at Phuket, instead of feeling the elation of arriving in a brand new country, I was absolutely petrified. I was nervous about going through Immigration, as the arrivals card had the question, Male or Female? I of course ticked Female. I greeted the big, burley male official at immigration, looking glamourous in my flowing skirt, with all the feminine charm I could muster. He was being very pleasant, but suddenly paused, and asked out loudly within earshot of the plane-load number of people, "Male or Female?" Heads were turning. I replied..."Female", and quietly added, "I'm here for Gender Correction Surgery". He looked at me, looked at the passport and with a serious disposition, handed back the Arrivals Form for me to "correct".

The whole point of this passport thing, (besides being outed like I was, unnessesarily, to plane loads of people) was that the Government of Australia (Under John Howard), had knowingly placed me in a position of danger. I could have faced stop and searches, intimidation, violence and Arrest. If this Immigration Officer had decided to detain me...... WHERE exactly, would he detain this woman in front of him? In a cell with people of the sex written on the passport?

But as it transpired, the official began stamping my passport & with a sheepish grin, asked if I had a husband? I replied "No, but if you're looking, I might be available..!" He then let out a huge smile & winked at me. So in the end, it was all good natured, thankfully.

The Mercedes Limousine ride to my hotel was a nice way to start it all off too.

PS: Just a quick lesson in the term I've been using....GCS, or "Gender Correction Surgery". Gender Itself cannot be "Changed". You're brain is either male or female. My Gender, is FEMALE, and I am about to "correct" my body, to match my Gender. Another term widely used is SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery). Again the thought being, you can't change the Gender, but you CAN change "what's between your legs" ie: The Sex. Another is GRS "Gender Realignment Surgery". Regardless of the terminology being used, it is, Vaginoplasty. I am aligning my body to my soul. I feel blessed that in this day and age we can actually do this. How wonderful. How amazing..........

Started the day very slow. Had a bit of a look around my lovely hotel. I received a free upgrade to a Seaview room with a lovely balcony and stunning views. After a bit of a sleep, I decided to see downtown Patong & just soak it all in. I got a couple of tailors to make some lovely colourful suits for me & checked out the new Jungceylon shopping mall.

It is really hot here. 2-3 showers a day minimum. Anyhow, once back at the hotel, I christened my new Bikini in the 3 tiered pool & had a cocktail in the nearby bar. I then got ready for dinner, which I shared with an Australian reporter, Kerrie, her friend Donna and a Director friend/co-worker Bryan. They will be filming a documentary of my time here to help with the Australian passport laws and to help people in their understanding of Transsexualism. We had authentic Thai Seafood & went to a local Bar. Patong is definitely a nocturnal city, really coming alive at night. Tonight was Halloween, & some of the people who dressed up made us laugh. It was a lovely, fun evening.

To my friends & family back home, Phuket is actually -4hrs (factoring in Daylight Savings). I am having trouble with Telstra International Roaming. My Mobile is yet to pick up a network. Hopefully this will be fixed after a stern email. Hugs to you all.

November 1st   Simon Cabaret

I strolled along the beach front road on the way home, late at night. Patong is celebrating the start of the "high season" with fireworks, street stalls & Rio style celebrations going on to the wee small hours. Very colourful & oh so exciting.Mobile phone STILL not working........

November 2nd   Interview Day

Today was crazy. As I write this I'm exhausted. Camera's were on me the whole day as the documentary gathers momentum. I had a full-on interview, talking about Gender Dysphoria and my own story, whilst also discussing the political situation. I said during the interview that Thailand and the Rest of the World should have laws like those in Spain, where a transgendered person, after living for a while in their correct role, with the proper psychological "Ticks", should be able to change any documents they like, whether they've had surgery or not.

November 3rd   Phuket Fantasea and a Tiger's Tale

How does one describe the indescribable..?  My Friend (Name withheld by request. Let's just call her Allison in this blog), had been to this event a year ago, but for me, it was all new. It completely blew my mind. So here goes.......

As we entered the Theme Park, it felt a little like "Disneyland for Elephants", with ornate statues everywhere. I was wide eyed, like a little girl in a candy shop. We went into a 4000 seat "Golden Kinnaree" Pavilion to eat at the "World's largest buffet restaurant". The pavilion's size and beauty was awe inspiring.

Allison and I had a ride on an elephant (Something I hadn't done since childhood). We then fronted the "Palace of the Elephants", which was a recreation of a Sukhotai-era style Palace. It felt like you were walking thru the deepest, darkest jungle, then finding this "old" stone palace, overgrown with vines. The scale of this was truely MASSIVE. As we walked in wonderment, we were told that camera's weren't allowed, (so as to not startle the Elephants) but, there was many "Touristy Photo Opportunities" around.

One of them excited me beyond belief. (Besides coming to Thailand for my Operation, I also was on a mission to hold a Tiger). And here I was doing just that. It was a large cub, suckling milk from a babies bottle. I was besides myself, unable to hide my absolute euphoric joy. The photo taken showed me with this silly expression, mouth WIDE OPEN, looking like one of those funny "Luna Park" games where you put the ball into.

Then, came the show itself. The 3000 seat theatre looked magnificent. The stage was flanked by two enormous stone Elephant statues. Actors wearing the most beautiful & colourful costumes were entering from every angle. We didn't know where to look. There was an Arial gravity defying ballet above us and special effects like you wouldn't believe. Beautiful Thai girls were doing the famous Thai hand movements they do. Cannon's were going off, Lasers abounded. Even doves flew across the stage. We laughed when a flock of chickens ran across the stage during a "country harvesting scene". The highlight of course, were the Elephants, all decked out in their splendour. There were 16 of them at the finale', on this massive stage with enormous incredible sets behind. This was Thai culture on steroids. Breath Taking, Amazing, Stunning. Superb. I actually had "lock jaw" from having my mouth open soooo long, due to the complete awe we felt from this epic production.

God, I GO ON, Don't I...? Anyway, This really was one of those things you need to experience before you die.   http://www.phuket-fantasea.com/index.html

November 4th   A day of rest..... Finally

Allison has been a good in influence on me. With her prompting early yesterday, I had a foot massage. Today I had a full body oil massage. It was wonderful, and timely. Tomorrow, we get picked up by Doctor Sanguan's Driver & head off to the hospital. Its time..............

November 5th    Admitted to Phuket International Hospital, Allison gets her Boobs

Dr Sanguan's driver picked us up from the Novotel about 7.30am and drove us to Phuket International hospital. It is a big one, and my room feels and looks like a hotel room with a nice balcony, great views, a pond below. There's also an ensuite and lounge. My room number for your information, is 2213. http://phuket-plasticsurgery.com/

The Nurses said that I could go into see Allison, next door in room 2212. She was groggy, in pain, but happy. Her bust size looks great too. I will need to get used to her with those new boobs. At about 4.00pm, I drank that HORRIBLE laxative drink thing they give you, and let's just say it did its job. I had a shower, popped into see Allison again, but she was fast asleep. I spent part of the evening sitting on the balcony in a beautiful mood. I also had a nice chat with my Mum.

November 6th   Vday - My Rebirth - 'Cause Butterflies are free to fly.......

I was woken up early as the nurses prepped me. I felt excited, nervous, and also contented. At about 8.45am, I they began wheeling me up the operating theatre. I was smiling to the camera's as I went up. This is it, it's really about to happen. I laid down on the operating table, looking up at those amazing operating lights. Dr Sanguan approached and I welcomed him with my hands together in the traditional Thai way. He gave a last minute chat and asked if I wanted to "back out". I quickly replied "Noooo", and added "I place my body in your hands" and thanked him in advance, saying that I was extremely happy. The Gas mask was then put on and I quickly fell asleep.

The Operation went for about 6.5 to 7hrs. I woke up in intensive care after sleeping it off, at about 11.30pm, and immediately was aware of the lack of pain I felt. . I asked how it went and the nurse said ok. Must admit the word "ok" wasn't what I wanted to hear. Great, fantastic was what I wanted to hear. I resolved that I had wait until I saw the Doctor in the morning for "ok" to be expanded upon. I slept but found the ICU very noisy, so I asked to go back to my room about 2.30am. I then slept like a baby.

November 7th   How did it go, Doctor?

The Nurses came in, in the morning and washed me. Again I was feeling no pain whatsoever, No Fever. I saw the bandages down there. There are tubes coming out for draining purposes, but not as much as bandage as I expected. It was definitely "flat", bringing a smile to my face. I was feeling very happy.

Dr Sanguan came in soon after and had very good news. The Operation was a success. He said my new Vagina looks great and that I have close to six inches in depth. I was praying for 5.5 minimum, so my smile was very broad. He also said that I did not have much swelling and that I wasn't bleeding all that much which is a good thing. I am so relieved. SO HAPPY. My body is now as it should have been all along. Thankyou to everyone with your well wishes. They mean so much to me.

Allison became my room mate, moving into 2213. It's so nice having company. Her One liner's always crack me up. Went to sleep early.

November 8th   One Small Step For a Woman......

Haven't been so chirpy today. Very Very tired, but in good spirits. Doctor says all is well. In the Afternoon I got up with some assistance and took my first steps. Easier than I thought. Happy I passed a psychological hurdle. I must stop eating and drinking after midnight, as phase 2 of my Op will happen tomorrow, when my VAC dressing will be replaced.

November 9th    Stage 2  VAC Dressing Replaced

Well, THAT was interesting. At about 8am I was wheeled up to the operating theatre and was placed under an epidural anaesthesia for the first time ever. Being conscious from the waist up, I was actual a little scared, having never been in this situation before. I kept telling the anaesthetist "I can move my toes". He reassured me and said to wait for ten minutes. Sure enough I became numb. I felt my leg with my hand and it felt like rubber. Weird.

The Amazing Dr Sanguan entered. He has such a presence, that man. It began. A green cloth was used to cover my line of sight. I felt the tape of the dressing pulling from my crotch and told the doctor straight away that I could feel it. He said "it's OK, normal to feel some things, but you wont feel any pain". I felt pushing and prodding, but as he said, no pain.

The green cover went down at the end, and I saw the doctor working between my legs. I asked, "How does it look?" The Doctor replied "It looks good......No complications and no infections". How wonderful. I was wheeled into the ICU for an hour, then went back to my room, under instructions not try and stand for at least 2 hours.

I was interviewed again today in the afternoon for the documentary, about how I was feeling & all. I showed them my special Femistent Dilators & also the bandaging, "down there". Apparently, they captured THE WHOLE INITIAL OPERATION in detail, with Dr Sanguan narrating as he worked....! Kerrie (My Interviewer) said as a throw away line to Dr Sanguan...."That you look like a master craftsman". The doctor quickly replied that "if he ever lost his day job, he could at least become a dress maker...!" 

November 10th   My Mobile Phone is FINALLY Alive

A Girl Named Devi from Perth arrived recently for Breast Augmentation. She came to our room for a long chat. She's an IT wizz & took a look at my phone. She told me the 3G International Roaming Setting was locked onto the "Pacific region" only. She fixed so it will pick up the whole world. Thus I'm back "on air". YAY :)  Thankyou to everyone who sent me their sms well wishes.

The Doctor came in and checked me today & said he's scheduled Phase 3 of the Operation (The skin Graft lining of my Vagina) for Tuesday. I will then need to have 3 days COMPLETE bed rest, in order for the graft to take. I Must NOT ever try to stand during these 3 days. Today though, through until Monday, I will walk around, (Make that....Shuffle), but I wont overdo it.

I have been refusing to wear the standard hospital robe whilst here, instead prefering to wear my own beautiful robes (Like my Peter Alexander nightie), because they're so much more comfortable. The Nurses have been big fans, saying I look so pretty.

November 13th   Phase 3 Done.......

At about 4.20pm, I was wheeled into the Operating Theatre. Kerrie was there, this time with my Sony Handi-cam to capture the procedure. This time, Both Dr Sanguan and I, narrated (While I was awake that is). I had the epidural, went numb from the waist down and actually watched in fascination as the doctor prepared my skin, which was destined to line my vaginal canal. (It had been "kept in the fridge" since Phase 1).

Dr Sanguan Does his SRS Operations in stages instead of all at once (Like Most other doctors do) in order to allow the canal to heal a little. Apparently this healing time enables the lining graft to "Take" much more sucessfully.

November 14th

Not doing so well today. Exhausted. Uncomfortable. Doctor came in and said all was well. He revised my depth to 5 inches, but with proper, consistent & rigorous dilating, I should be able to make my desire of 5.5 inches. Will sleep now.

November 16th  "The Big Reveal"

Absolutely NO-ONE and NOTHING can prepare you for the "Big Reveal". Your Brain goes into "information overload" and almost can't cope. On initial reveal with mirror in hand, I gasped in amazement and joy. My vagina looked so much better than I dared dream. It was swollen of course, but way less than I thought it would. I kept saying "Oh My God, Oh My God", whilst trying to take in the doctor's instructions. I have ALOT of feeling down there which is wonderful, But trying to process it all was making my head spin. In the background, someone was playing a song called "Zombie", by the Cranberries. The chorus says "In your head, In your head", (at that moment though, I thought it was saying "in your hands"), which I thought was quite apt, not to mention the timming...LOL.

Dr Sanguan introduced me to my new genitalia & then got out Dilator No.1 out to check my depth. I had heard how this was SUCH a painful experience from other girls who've been to other doctors. He inserted it, as I gasped and gasped. I watched with one eye closed, as the numbers on the dilator disappeared. 1 inch, 2, 3, 4, 5, then 5.5 (the depth I so dearly wanted all along). Then, he tried dilator No.2  - All along, I felt NO PAIN.

A Million emotions. A Thousand questions. All these new feelings. The very fact I was feeling. Unbridled joy. Floating on the ceiling. Watching in Awe. Dr Sanguan is simply an amazing doctor. I kept thanking him, saying how grateful I was. My Vagina looked so good.

Afterwards, I just lay there.....for hours, trying to "come back down to earth" almost like I was meditating. Unfortunately, I was unable to pee all evening. (The doctor said I had 8hrs). But by 1.00am, after much trying, the catheter was re-inserted. NOW, I REALLY FELT PAIN. It really hurt, but it was then, such a relief. Almost a "medical emergency", if you know what I mean. (Well, It actually WAS a medical emergency, come to think of it....!) Tomorrow, in the afternoon, once that horrible catheter is taken out again (hopefully for good)..... I will begin to dilate myself, with the help of the nurses.

November 17th   A Few Degrees of Separation, AND.....The THREAT of Catheter No.2

We Gals here on this ward have a special bond, having gone thru this miracle together. I have really become close to Bea and her partner Ian (Who have been together for 40 years..!). She had her surgery a day after mine. My Sister, Katrina (A Brisbane Travel consultant) has been reading this blog, and emailed me, saying she's got a new job beginning in December & that the girls in her soon to be work place, booked Ian & Bea's flight and accommodation here....!

Still had trouble peeing today. The nurse said at 6.00pm that she would re-insert another catheter in 3 hours. (Talk about a deadline). Spurred onto new efforts, (I couldn't go through that pain again), I struggled and struggled. FINALLY it happened. Oh the pain, Oh the blessed relief. The Doctor said it was all ok. A lot of people have this happen, because it's all swollen.

November 19th   Back Out Into The Real World

Yesterday, I went to see Bea, who hours before, had her own "Big Reveal". I sat by her side on the bed & gave her a big long hug, listening to her version of how she was feeling. It went well. She's such a lovely person & so, so happy now.

Today, I've been dilating, by myself. (Up to Number 5 today out of 6....Already). This, along with my improved peeing has seen Dr Sanguan say I'm well enough to leave the Hospital. The nurse gave me my certificate (to show the authorities back home) and booked a follow-up time to see the Doctor. We packed our bags & then ventured out, ready to fend for ourselves again. We got into a taxi & headed off to our new hotel.

November 21st   Asian Paradise

Allision left today. I gave her a thankyou pressie and a big cuddle, as Kerrie then came, with a photographer. So here I was in Paradise, having a professional photo shoot, as the sun blazed. It was a lovely experience. I have been feeling so much better today & walking better. I've REALLY been "listening to my body". Only yesterday, when Allison and I went to the near-by Aquarium, I asked her to wheel me around in a wheel chair, as I knew I couldn't walk that far. And here I was today, doing a photo shoot (albeit, hobbling around, being careful, not TOO far from my room). You wouldn't believe it, looking at the photo's....! I'm still very tender, and still taking it very very easy. Kerrie also showed me an article she did of "The contents of my handbag" in the local newspaper, The Phuket Post. It took up most of the page, with a photo of my bag contents and a photo of myself. I really like her writing style.

Tomorrow, I change hotels to be closer to the doctor. It will be a real come down, staying at the cheap Baan Suan Place, but, it is central to everything. Bea is also staying there, so it will be nice to see her again.

Baan Suan Place isn't as bad as I imagined, so I will be happy staying here till I go home. I managed to get a 5.00pm check out time on the 28th (The day I leave), which will make it so much easier for me. I met up with Bea & her friend Ros. We've had a few meals next door at the "famous" Big C shopping centre & have of course done some shopping there too. The other day, I went to the Phuket Butterfly Sanctuary, which was very soul enriching. The metamorphosis of the butterfly has really been the "Theme" of my trip here.

Yesterday was a big one too. I had my final check-up with Dr Sanguan (who also took out some stitches). He re-iterated how good it all looked and said he was happy with how it was healing. I've been dilating 3 times a day & am now up to the largest size, Number Six. I myself, am so happy with his work too. Wow. It really is a miracle.

After I saw the doctor, I needed to go back to my original hotel, the Novotel Patong, to have a final fitting of my last suit and jacket at the Tailors. All of Phuket is in "Party Mode" today, as the Loy Krathong festival happens tonight. As I went into the Novotel foyer, the wonderful staff there, all remembered me, saying "Hello Miss Stefanie". They are SO nice with such a warm, friendly way that made my time there such a personal & wonderful experience. A lot of the female staff were all dressed up in costume. They looked so beautiful & had just been judging the beautiful ornate "floaty things" known as Loys, which will be released tonight during the festival. They all lined up to have their photo's taken in front of the winning Loys, by about 30 or so people (it felt like a media scrum). They then grabbed me to be a part of it...! I felt "a little under dressed", but also felt it a great honour as well.

I went back to my current hotel to get ready for the big night. Kerrie came and picked me up. We had chosen the quieter, more "Traditional" version of Loy Krathong, heading off to the most southern part of Phuket, at Rawai and Nai Harn where the locals go. Giant Lanterns were being lit, which filled the sky by the hundreds. The whole idea of the festival is to float off a Banana Leaf Loy, with flowers, candles, incense, locks of hair & maybe money, as a gift to the gods. This is done so one can let go of the bad things of the past and say hello to a beautiful future. How Apt is that for me on this trip. The spiritualism of the whole thing was SOOO beautiful. http://www.phuket.com/festival/loy_krathong.htm

Hugs to you all, from the amazingly beautiful & colourful country, that is Thailand.

December 1st   There's NO PLACE like home..............

Have been catching up with everyone. Louise kindly picked me up from the airport, and yesterday, my Mum came over. We went shopping & had a yummy lunch at the local Westfields. Denise came to visit today & I'm sure I'll catch up with the rest of my friends soon. I already have a dinner lined up with Savannah, whom I havent seen for ages. Nicole will come down from Newcastle to visit soon. She's bringing me a big bag of salt, so I can relax in a salt bath.

I'm healing and dilating well, while still "Listening to my body" and taking it easy. My Vagina is looking better each day & I expect 95% of the swelling to go down by the 2nd week of 2008. I find getting up and sitting down at the moment a bit of struggle, but once in position or walking, I'm fine. I need to continue dilating 3 times a day (which takes an hour at a time), for six months & thus, will need to be very disciplined to keep up that regime whilst working. I have all of December off at home to help in my recouperation.

May 2008  Post Script......Six Months On

My healing has gone really well. Dilating became such a chore. I think I only missed 3 or 4 times in my 5.5 months x3 a day sessions. I then tapered it off during the following two weeks. The importance of that regime can't be underestimated as it increases both depth AND width, and also helps it all heal properly. My diligence has certainly paid off. My goal from the start was to have 5.5 inches in depth. I can happily say that I now have 6 inches, which will make "Organic Dilating" all the better!!  Also, I've had a very noticable breast growth spurt, which was really nice too.

Dr Sanguan has done such a wonderful job. I'm now very orgasmic and it certainly all works WONDERFULLY well :) Making Love nowdays is just so much nicer for me. It feels "right" & is oh so special.

November 2009  Post Script......Two Years On